LOVING YOU IS JUST TOO......

HARD...

After 10 years of knowing her, six years of dating her and 4 years of being married to her, I realize that I can no longer do this. Relationships take work, I know. I never expected to always get along. I knew who she was and what she was about. I don't know why I thought she would change. I guess I just thought she would become more settled. We're married. We have three beautiful children. Finances are strait, bills are PAID. I lead such a tumultuous childhood. My mother seemed to always be caught in some DRAMA. Every man she met did HER wrong. She was always the VICTIM. I thought I avoided my MOTHER. I now know I married HER. And as much as I LOVE her, I don't believe it should be this HARD.


We casually met at a mutual friends birthday celebration. She had my attention the entire night. We went out the following week. Her outspoken nature intrigued me. The first time I noticed her "take no prisoners" approach was when a server made a snide comment after her request. She demanded to see the manager and argued until our bill was discounted . At the time, she made ME feel safe. She would never allow anyone to disrespect her. She was my ride or die chick. No one had better come at me or our children. I at times, fell back. I tended to avoid confrontation, sometimes to a fault. She inspired me to speak up for myself. She was my ROCK. Over the years, I noticed her determination turn into RAGE. She was always in conflict with someone. Didn't matter who or what it was. It could be; the mailman, her cousin, my mother, HER mother, our daughters teacher, MY co-worker, her best friend, the DOG. It didn't matter what the situation was she always felt the need to FIGHT. It became apart of a weekly  routine. I became exhausted with the stories and her lack of accountability. It was NEVER her fault. I couldn't get her to understand when a "enough was enough". LET IT GO. I encouraged her to seek therapy or take an anger management class. She was offended at the notion. I tried modeling remaining calm. She started saying things like, "You're being too SOFT".
It was the final straw. My daughter began to mimic her behavior. She could not see what she was doing.
She didn't want to change. I had to make a decision for myself and my children. I believe marriage should be forever. Not everyone just gives up. I stand by decision. I know the old saying "anything worth having is worth WORKING for". The WORK just can't be more than the LOVE itself. I wish her the best.
Still Single.....