LOVING YOU IS JUST TOO......

HARD...

After 10 years of knowing her, six years of dating her and 4 years of being married to her, I realize that I can no longer do this. Relationships take work, I know. I never expected to always get along. I knew who she was and what she was about. I don't know why I thought she would change. I guess I just thought she would become more settled. We're married. We have three beautiful children. Finances are strait, bills are PAID. I lead such a tumultuous childhood. My mother seemed to always be caught in some DRAMA. Every man she met did HER wrong. She was always the VICTIM. I thought I avoided my MOTHER. I now know I married HER. And as much as I LOVE her, I don't believe it should be this HARD.


We casually met at a mutual friends birthday celebration. She had my attention the entire night. We went out the following week. Her outspoken nature intrigued me. The first time I noticed her "take no prisoners" approach was when a server made a snide comment after her request. She demanded to see the manager and argued until our bill was discounted . At the time, she made ME feel safe. She would never allow anyone to disrespect her. She was my ride or die chick. No one had better come at me or our children. I at times, fell back. I tended to avoid confrontation, sometimes to a fault. She inspired me to speak up for myself. She was my ROCK. Over the years, I noticed her determination turn into RAGE. She was always in conflict with someone. Didn't matter who or what it was. It could be; the mailman, her cousin, my mother, HER mother, our daughters teacher, MY co-worker, her best friend, the DOG. It didn't matter what the situation was she always felt the need to FIGHT. It became apart of a weekly  routine. I became exhausted with the stories and her lack of accountability. It was NEVER her fault. I couldn't get her to understand when a "enough was enough". LET IT GO. I encouraged her to seek therapy or take an anger management class. She was offended at the notion. I tried modeling remaining calm. She started saying things like, "You're being too SOFT".
It was the final straw. My daughter began to mimic her behavior. She could not see what she was doing.
She didn't want to change. I had to make a decision for myself and my children. I believe marriage should be forever. Not everyone just gives up. I stand by decision. I know the old saying "anything worth having is worth WORKING for". The WORK just can't be more than the LOVE itself. I wish her the best.
Still Single.....

SO WHILE YOU ARE THINKING LIKE A MAN.... HAVE YOU FORGOT HOW....

TO ACT LIKE A LADY? It's not new. Women for ages have TRIED to date like men. Just riddle me this: If men who want to date WOMEN meet a woman who THINKS like a MAN, why would  they want to date THEMSELVES?

We met my first year of college. He caught my attention. He was different. I later found out he was from out of state. I made it obvious that I was interested. He played it cool. I wasn't really experienced with men. HE was the perfect teacher. At times, his lessons were very harsh.  I played the GOOD student. I wanted him to believe that I could HANG. I didn't want to be one of THOSE women. A woman who became attached over sex. I wanted him to see that I was STRONG. I could handle his OTHER women. Because I was going to  date OTHER men. "Anything you can do I can do better".  I started seeing different guys. Some I was just cool with, others I was sleeping with. All the while, en love with HIM. I was the FRIEND with BENEFITS. He could tell me ANYTHING, even about his other women. I could even meet them. We could have AMAZING sex and I wouldn't call him after. I was WINNING! He didn't see me as some; soft, emotional, weak female. I was his EQUAL. During one of our AMAZING sex sessions IN THE BACK SEAT, he forgot to pull out. He made a joke out of it. "My Bad I forgot "YOUR" not on birth control? I was pregnant. I became an emotional wreck. When I tried to talk to him about the pregnancy, he was always busy. He didn't seem to care about my FEELINGS. I miscarried in my house ALONE. I never said anything else about it. I really SHOWED him!

ONLY ON A NEED TO KNOW BASIS.....BUT THIS IS SOME SHIT...

I NEEDED TO KNOW! When you first meet someone, you know nothing about them. Its exciting and intriguing. Every moment seems like a piece to a puzzle, that you NEVER really want to figure out. I've always loved a good suspense. I just NEVER thought that I'd be the PLOT!
 
I stopped by my cousin’s apartment to hang out. The parking lot is in the back. When I parked, I noticed the cutest specimen of chocolate you'd ever seen. He smiled, I smiled. I looked back. He was still watching. I giggled and walked up to my cousin’s apartment. As luck would have it, a friend of mine was dating Mr. Chocolate’s roommate. One day my friend calls and says come thru. Out walks Mr. Chocolate. We exchange pleasantries and numbers. A week later, the four of us are hanging out at their apartment. Four weeks later, me and Mr. Chocolate are sex buddies. We never asked any questions. I only knew his first name. I just ended a relationship with Mr. ASSHOLE. I wanted to keep it simple with Mr. CHOCOLATE. I’ll call you when I want you. You do the same. If our schedules coincide, LET’S GET IT!! No games. No feelings. JUST sex.  One evening, I was over and his phone rang. It was his dad. He was dropping off something. He runs out to get whatever it was. I got up to use the bathroom. When I looked out the window,  I saw his father. I couldn't FUCKING believe it! Mr. ASSHOLE has a son? NOTE TO SELF: NO MORE PET NAMES!
Still Single

"HOPE SHE'S MORE OF A WOMAN TO YOU THAN YOU WERE

A MAN TO ME". It seems so easy. One night here. A weekend there. You start to believe its OK. I have always wondered. But I never asked. Was she worth ALL that we were?

We'd been married for almost eight years. I wanted a family. He did too. He was a good man. A GREAT father. Marriage is a lot of work. It takes two. There was nothing he wouldn't do for me and the kids. I knew how much he loved me. How much he loved US. Over the years, I felt the difference.  It wasn't anything in particular. A feeling. I figured all couples go through THIS. I told him my concern. He reassured me that WE were ok. We were best friends. There was nothing we couldn't talk about. Then one night he called and said he was working late. My father had always told me, "you can never question a man whose trying to feed his family". So I didn't. Weeks went by, I started to notice a pattern. It didn't take long for the late nights to turn into long weekends. I felt like a character in my own drama. "Is this really happening"?  He was cheating on me. When he admitted to his infidelity, I thought he would try. He didn't. He wanted a divorce. He basically left me for HER. I was devastated but remained strong for my children.  We ended our relationship amicably. He gets the kids every other weekend and over the summer. Last weekend, he told me that THEY were no longer together. I could tell he was hurting. He asked if he could take me to dinner. I told him no. He wanted to be friends again. I asked him was he still friends with her? He said they were never really friends. I guess neither were WE.  Still Single

"BLACK N UGLY AS EVER...HOWEVER, I STAY GUCCI...

DOWN TO THE SOCKS"! One of THE most quotable rhymes. Biggie knew it. A lot of professional athletes know it. I realized it in High school. Men want a pretty GIRL. Women want a man who makes them feel like a PRETTY WOMAN. I'm no Richard Gere. But I got a little cash and a WHOLE lot of SWAG!

In middle school, I was just the fat kid who could JONE. I realized if I make them laugh with me, they won't laugh at me. My family had money. My mother was a principal. My Dad was a government official. Although I couldn't fit some designer clothes, I could make it work. I always had the fl-yest shoes. The bomb jewelry and shades. I was the first one to have a NEW ride in High School. I was invited to everything. I started playing football. I was getting a lot of shine. The attention I got DOUBLED. I knew I was big and black but I never had any problems getting girls. My 20th High School reunion is this year. College football garnered me minimal success. I landed a pretty decent job. I'm still a BIG dude. Maybe a little bigger.  I've had countless relationships. Nothing lasted. I'm not sure if I want to go. I guess SWAG only goes so far?  
Still Single

I WONDER IF I CAN BORROW BEYONCE'S.....

SURROGATE?  I thought I would have had one by now. I'm 36 years old. I have never been married. I have finally found the love of my life. He's a beautiful man. He wants to marry me. Its just one thing. He wants a CHILD.  I don't think I can give him one.

We met on-line. The experience felt SERENDIPITOUS. When I finally saw him, he was exactly what I expected. Our chemistry was instant. Every date felt like a building block. I always knew where I stood with him. The first time he mentioned wanting children, I could tell he was sincere. I wanted children too. I had been pregnant before. I decided to terminate that pregnancy. I never thought there was a problem. After almost 2 years, we were talking marriage. We had gone through some bad but mostly all good. I felt secure about things. We decided to stop using contraception. The sex had been SO good. He was definitely trying to put a baby in me. A few months had passed. He noticed that I hadn't got pregnant yet. I decided to go to the doctor. Now what? Still Single